When you seek validation and approval from others, your self-love becomes dependent on them. The moment that validation or approval isn’t given to you, your confidence can really come crashing down. Think of the times you posted something on social media, and the person you wanted to get a reaction from, didn’t even care to react. How did that make you feel? Pretty crappy right? We’ve all been there, done that! However, this is exactly what seeking validation and approval from someone else looks like.
When you’re constantly trying to prove your worth and receive validation from others, you will never be happy with who you are. This is why it’s so important that you learn how to love yourself. When you learn how to love yourself, you no longer require the validation and approval of others. You’re able to love yourself regardless of what others may think of you. Self-love is what helps you to improve your self-confidence so that the only persons approval you need is yours! It helps you to see that you are enough, exactly the way you are.
1. The Reason You Seek Validation
(p.s. If you’re reading this you might be interested in my Master Your Mindset Course!)
The reason we seek validation from others is because of a lack of confidence. When there’s a lack of confidence, our self-esteem takes a hit. This leaves us lowering our standards for any source of validation that can make us feel the slightest bit confident about ourselves. I know how awful this may sound but it isn’t something you need to blame yourself for or feel guilty about. Its something we all go through. However, you no longer need to go through this when you learn how to love yourself.
When you learn how to love yourself, you build your confidence and self-esteem. Therefore, you no longer require that external validation. You are sure of you are and your worth. Of course, there are going to be moments in your life that make you feel invalidated from time to time. However, that is when you need to get back into alignment, question where you’re seeking validation from and why, and simply remind yourself that you are already validated and loved.
2. Mindset Of Lack
When we catch ourselves lowering our standards for others, its often because we are just so desperate for love, validation and approval, that we’ll just accept anything in the moment. In doing this, we’re not only lacking these qualities in ourselves, but we’re now also giving into a mindset of lack.
When you give into a mindset lack, you will accept anything around you because your mentality is that there is either, ‘not enough’ or ‘this is the best I’m ever gonna get.’ Neither of that is true. There’s an abundance of people in this world that will love you for exactly who you are, and the only way you’re ever going to attract them into your life, is when you learn how to love yourself first. This happens when you start saying ‘yes’ to what you do want, and ‘no’ to what you don’t. This is how you respect and love yourself enough to not lower your standards for anyone, knowing that you deserve the best.
3. How To Love Yourself
The way you show yourself love is by loving yourself for who you are, just the way you are. When you love yourself you are comfortable with who you are as a person. You don’t feel the need to change your personality and alter yourself to someone else’s liking. You do it for yourself, not for others. The decisions make you are no longer based on what others think of you, but only what you think is best for you. Self-love is when you’re able to forgive yourself for moments where you may have not made the wisest decisions or been your best self, too. It’s accepting the change and growth you need for the betterment of yourself.
Self-love also means self-discipline. It’s the ability to say no to yourself when you know something isn’t particularly good for you. This can be little things like consuming too much junk food or skipping a workout, or even overworking yourself and doing too much. When you love yourself, you are able to draw the line and create a loving balance in your life.
4. Ways To Practice Self-Love
Practicing self-love essentially means taking care of yourself. Not only by doing the nice things for yourself, but also getting the hard stuff done to. Doing your laundry, making your bed, getting those assignment done, building good and healthy habits are all part of loving yourself. Getting things done is part of learning how to love yourself because it teaches you to have your best interest at heart. Sometimes we forget that doing things we don’t particularly want to do, which will benefit us later, is part of showing ourselves love too.
Self-love also means setting boundaries and having standards. When you make promises to yourself, as small as they be and actually honour these promises, that too is self-love. Whether its as small as doing a workout or not dating the guy you know you’d be lowering your standards for. Keeping to your standards means that you love yourself enough to honour them and not settle for less. Self-love is not selfish. It’s having the courage to do the things that you know will always benefit your wellbeing.
5. Knowing Your Worth
The reason it’s important for you to know your worth, is so that you know the right people and situations to open yourself up to, that are worth allowing into your life. When you know your worth, you do not settle for less than what you know you deserve. Knowing your worth allows for people and opportunities that come into your life, to rise to your standards when they truly appreciate and value you enough to do so. When you know your worth, it makes saying ‘no’ easy to the things you don’t want to settle for, and it therefore makes room for things you do want to come into your life. Your worth comes from who you are as a person, and how you choose to value yourself. So don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise!
6. You Are Enough
You are enough just the way you are. Therefore, you do not need to change the way you look, act, walk or talk for anyone else to like you. The moment you do that, is the moment you begin to invite the wrong people into your life. Those who love you for who you are will never try to change you. Building your confidence through the approval of others is not what helps you love yourself or become confident in who you are. You see, the validation you get from others does not last forever, and even if it does, you constantly now have to live up to an image you created to get someone else’s approval. This means that you are not being yourself, and eventually that gets exhausting.
Eventually this gets to a point of you doing things, as little as they may be, to get a reaction from someone else. You’re no longer able to be authentically you. And besides, do you really want to the attention of someone who doesn’t love you for who you are? Understand that you enough truly enough just as you are. The people who love and value you and actually want to be in your life will show up when you learn how to love yourself first!
7. Learn To Validate Yourself
You do not need the approval of someone else to make yourself feel validated. The only persons approval you will ever need is your own. As you grow and learn to trust yourself, you will begin to no longer seek other people’s approval on how you feel or do things. Start by trusting yourself to make decisions on your own or validate your own opinion and feelings, even if someone else doesn’t. Often times, our low self-esteem comes from being put down a lot and not feeling heard by others. Be aware of this and start learning to validate your own feelings. Even if those around you try to put you down, your feelings are always valid, and that’s all the approval you need!
8. Rid Yourself Of Toxic People
When it comes to learning how to love yourself, toxic people can often be the reason why you have certain issues in first place. Be aware of those around or the people you allow into your life (even through social media). Question whether the way people in your family, relationship or friend circle, treat you. If these people are the reason why you lack confidence, have low self-esteem or feel constantly invalidated no matter how much you try to approach and communicate to them how you feel, then please leave. Again, this is where you need to realise your worth and then act like it.
I hope this post helps you on your journey to self-love. You deserve to feel loved, validated, heard and approved. It may seem like something so little and insignificant but I promise you, learning how to love yourself first, will set you up for such an amazing life experience ahead. When you achieve self-love, you achieve a level of growth and understanding that only you could have ever given to yourself. It takes time, experience and patience but eventually you will get there!
Your life will change immensely in every area for the better the moment you begin to love yourself. If you loved this post and want to receive more content like this, you can sign up for the Blogging Girl Daily mailing list here. If you want to share this post with a friend, you can use the sharing icons below to share this post to your favourite social media pages! It really helps my my blog out a lot. You can also comment down below and let me know what you thoughts were on this post!
Alana – Mae