For a long time I used to wonder what it meant to ‘know your worth’. Like where does our worth even come from? What are we supposed to define it by? Well, think about this for a sec. Do you ever have one of those moments where you look back at your past, think about how badly someone used to treat you and go, “why on earth did I ever put up with a creep like that?” Well, that’s exactly what knowing your worth is! It’s realising that you deserve SO much better!
Allowing a person to mistreat you, disrespect you and lie to you can really destroy your self-esteem and make you think that you are the ‘problem,’ because that person is no longer giving you the validation you’re used to receiving from them. This then makes you feel like something is wrong with you, and when your self-esteem suffers, your self-worth goes down the drain with it. In those moments when your self-esteem is low, you forget your worth and what you deserve. That feeling of being too afraid to leave a bad relationship, comes from a mindset of lack, thinking you will never receive better than what you have. Your self-esteem is already so shattered at this point that you can no longer see your worth.
The issue here is that we’re so conditioned to put our worth in someone else’s hands. We then allow their approval to judge what we’re worth and the moment we feel their ‘love’ slipping away, our self-esteem crashes. This is why you see yourself a year later, laughing over the the fact that you cried over someone who wasn’t worth having you. You no longer have their validation to depend on, therefore you’re forced to rely on yourself again. This is how you gain back your confidence and realise your worth again.
1. Stop Repeating The Cycle
Many of us are guilty of repeating this cycle over and over again. We realise our worth, meet someone new, allow their validation and approval to take over us a for while and then get our hearts broken. After that we get the courage to leave, build our self-esteem up again, and repeat. Sounds all too familiar right? Remembering your worth is the only way to break this cycle. When you know what you’re worth, as in who deserves your time, the type of people that deserve to be in your life, the way you deserve to be treated and what you have to offer, that is when you stop settling.
2. Know Your Worth
Understand that no one else is able to determine your worth except you. That is why it is called ‘self’ worth. You are the person who gets to call the shots, not anyone else. No matter how another person makes you feel, or what they say about you, they cannot determine your self-worth. That is only up to you. No one can ever increase or decrease your self-worth. That decision is always entirely up to how much you value yourself by knowing what you deserve and never settling for anything less.
3. Make Your Worth Known
A person who knows their worth does not need to scream it out to the world. It shows through their actions. When you know your worth, you don’t have any need of telling people that they should treat you better, or perhaps show you more respect. All you have to do is communicate this through your actions.
If a friend is constantly inviting you out only to embarrass you in front of others, you decline the invite. If your date doesn’t get the bill on the first date, you don’t go on a second one. When your family insults you every time you step outside of your room, you limit the conversation and time spent with them. This is how you demand respect through your actions. People will respect and value you more when let a distance and silence do its job.
4. Don’t Tolerate Disrespect
With that being said, people who know their worth do not entertain disrespect and make it known immediately. If someone disrespects you, you don’t sit there and take it. Neither, do you have to lash out at them and cause a scene. This only shows the person disrespecting you that they have control over your emotions. All you have to do is just walk away without any attitude or attention given to the situation.
You do not have to explain to anybody, why you distanced yourself from them or went quiet. People know what they are doing to you. If they bother enough to ask you why, then only do you bother enough to give them a reason, that is if you please. It is not your responsibility to show a person what the bare minimum of human decency is.
5. Never Second Guess Yourself
When you know your worth, there’s no second guessing yourself. Knowing your worth means that you are sure of yourself and the decisions you make. If you want to make a decision about something or someone, you don’t allow the opinions of others to sway you. You have the ability to trust and confide in yourself to make the best decisions for you.
6. Don’t Be Afraid To Leave
In saying the above, when you know your worth you’re not afraid to make the decision to leave. Whether its a toxic friendship or cutting off a toxic family member. You do not hesitate to leave a situation when you are treated disrespectfully. A person who knows their worth will not care about what others may think of them, if they leave that four year relationship. They do what is best for them and act according to what they know they deserve. All a person who has dignity cares about is that they were disrespected, so it’s time to move up and onward. Again, there is no lashing out, or making a trying to make someone understand how their actions made you feel. All there is, is silence and distance.
7. Be Able To Hold Your Own
When you are able to hold your own, and be independent enough to not rely on someone else for anything, this is when you’re able set boundaries. You owe nothing to anyone and people have no choice but to respect your boundaries or leave. Unfortunately, a lot of people mistreat others when they see that a person needs them. When you can’t afford to be without a person, it shows them how weak, vulnerable and desperate you are without them. They know you have nowhere else to go and that is why they take advantage of you and disrespect your boundaries. There are very few people in the world who won’t do this, but for now we’re gonna assume everyone’s guilty of doing it, so that you have no option but to remember to always rely on yourself.
You have to educate yourself, have your own money, be able to afford your own lifestyle and make it known that you don’t need anyone but yourself. This is the only way you will ever be able to hold your own. People will see that because you don’t need them, you have nothing to lose. This is what makes them respect you and what you want. This goes for your emotions too. If you wanna talk about your feelings, keep a journal or go see a therapist. Stop depending so heavily on other people for your happiness, and start depending on yourself.
8. Stop Being Afraid To Stand Alone
In life there are gonna be a lot of moments where you’re gonna have to stand alone if you want to be treated differently and with respect. You can’t be afraid of being alone, in fact you should never be afraid of this. It’s incredibly important that you build your relationship with yourself first, before you go out seeking one with others. This is how you learn to love yourself.
If a person or a group of people do not align with who you are and the life you’re trying to create for yourself then you have no business being around them. When you know what it is you want in life, you do not engage with that which does not align with who you are. When you know your worth, you need to act like it, and stop settling for who or what’s in front of you in the moment. You have to be prepared to find what aligns with you and wait until you do. Until then, you don’t sit around being miserable, you simply enjoy your life on your own terms within your company.
9. People Have To Earn Your Trust
In relationships, many of us allow people in too easily and too quickly. This is why we end up getting hurt. You have to understand that you need to stop giving people your vulnerability just because you feel guilty or you want to show them you’re interested too. People have to earn this from you. You need to let them know that you are the prize and act like it. When you let people in too soon, they get comfortable too quickly and don’t know how to appreciate you. They feel like they’ve won you over and there’s no longer anything to work for. They now think that they have you wrapped around their finger.
A person who knows their worth doesn’t allow guilt or pressure from another person to break their self-control. They’re able to stand their ground. They know that a good relationship involves a give and take, not just give. You have to realise that people will test you your limits all the time to see how much they can get out of you. Your job is to stand your ground, and get what you want out of the relationship before you keep on giving. They have to earn what you have to offer so that they see what it’s worth and how value it is.
10. You Are Enough
There are going to be many times where people will try to make you feel less than, by comparing you to someone else. When this happens I want you to always remember that this insecurity has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. The comparisons they make or the things they pick on you about, are a reflection of themselves and their insecurities.
You will never see someone who’s truly confident and secure in themselves try to bring someone else down. Sometimes people will do this just to break your confidence because it’s so intimidating to them that you’re not on their level of insecurity. These type of people are not your tribe. You have to realise that you are enough the way you are and no ones opinion can change that.
11. Show Up For Yourself
In saying that, if you want to reflect to the world that you are a confident person, you too have to believe it. Show up for yourself everyday, workout, dress well, eat healthy, do your hair and makeup, get your work done, make money, stay educated and become the well rounded person that you would look up to. This is how you establish and improve your self-esteem. When you’re able to get sh#t done, and prove to yourself that you really are a boss, you raise your self-worth. When this happens, no one can break you! That’s just no longer an option now that you have everything going for you.
12. Do It For Yourself
The key here is to do things for yourself, not others. Stop caring about what others may think if you want to start working out, or what they’d say if you get a job flipping burgers so that you can get through college. There opinions and thoughts do not matter. Your life is too short to not live it the way you dream it, just because of what someone else may think of you.
When you set goals, you need to set them for yourself because it’s what you want. Not because you want to make someone else jealous or get revenge. Stop doing things because you seek other peoples validation and approval.
I hope this post has taught you to see yourself with more value! Remember, when you know your worth, you never compromise or settle for anything less than what you deserve. Learn to be straight forward about what you want. This doesn’t mean you have to be mean about it. It simply means that you put yourself first. Don’t allow people to get the best of your emotions or even let them see if they have. That is when you lose control of yourself and they gain control over you. Stand your ground and demand respect, through your actions. No fuss or attitude needed!
Alana – Mae